аллочка (half_fiction) wrote in o_d_d_isorder,

I guess this is the time for introductions. My name is Allegra, although I also go by Ally. I am fifteen years old and in the eleventh grade. I skipped grade five. Somehow, in my fifteen years, I have managed to show symptoms of a number of psychological disorders including (but probably not limited to): Social Anxiety Disorder, Specific Phobia, Major Depressive Disorder, Oppositional Defiance Disorder, and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. I don't really know what's wrong with me and due to the fact that I have been diagnosed with A LOT of things I tend to be somewhat skeptical. That's it for the niceties, I guess.

I feel like my head is going to explode. Lately, I haven't been going more than five minutes a day without feeling some extreme resentment toward at least one person. The other day I nearly got into a fight at school because this girl was blabbing and wouldn't shut up. It was the most obnoxious thing in the world. You should know this girl, she just talks and talks about nothing on end. It's all a bunch of nonsensically dull gossip. And then she has the nerve to tell YOU to shut up when you're not even being loud or annoying. I could have killed her.

Then there's this teacher that I have, for one reason or another, decided to go against full force. Everyday during class I have to nit-pick and and complain about every little detail. She had us watch The Joy Luck Club and I made this big show about how I hate watching movies based on books and blah blah blah. She still forced me to watch it. Instead of watching it though, I noisily took out my calculator and made sure to be right in her line of view when I turned on the video-game feature.

Even I get sick of all my ridiculous, defiant behaviour, the only problem is, I don't even feel in control over my body half the time. I mean, I've no idea why I get so angry I could burst over things like one little question in one little assignment when the answer didn't matter anyway. I don't feel like I have any control over the way I conduct myself. It's ridiculous.

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like if i really wanna do something and some one say "be ready in 5 minutes" or something even if i would have been ready that minute when they say that my body just goes ridged and i find my self saying no im not going. ill do it later. every thing is fine up until they said that darn timelimit crudd. when i was little i missed going to the zoo and other fun things cause i just wouldnt "get ready in 5 minutes" of all silly things! im 26 and i find i still do that ... if i feel rushed i just wont do it! i shut down .. my x-bfs say that i have too many "hissy fits" i have to agree but im just as disgusted with myself as they are! its weird...
I've had a real problems with homework and stuff in the past. Instead of doing the assignment, I'll deliberately do it incorrectly, make a list of why I shouldn't have to do it/why it's a dumb assignment and hand that in, or I plain won't do it at all. Even if the assignment was something I originally wanted to do, like, one time we had to do some extensive analysis of some book and I had already made a mental note to research it (just because I was interested) but after it was assigned I found it impossible to do or to have any interest at all. (In fact I think I made a "Why This is Stupid" list.) It drives me nuts, really.
Totally! I have a really small 1 bedroom me and my son live in. I keep trying to set time aside to clean my house. With my adhd. Every where I look I think I got to do that then I turn around and think I got to do that. And forget the previous. That’s a pain in itself. And with odd on top of it. I will set a date and my alarm to wake up and do that. And guess what I deliberately wake up 30 min before its supposed to go off and change the alarm for an hour or so longer. And when I finally do have to wake up for my son. (ill do anything for him but its crazy man) I think damn now I have to clean. Then my body and mind get this strange anxiety feeling and I like just cant! Its crazy because I know I should its like I have to for some god forsaken reason ive been rebelling against myself. Normally i'm a crazy cleaner! So my friend does maid service i'm going to pay her to come help. Its weird ill clean if some one is over and I'm just talking to them I don’t even realizes it. They don't even tell me to. I just do. But if I try to get myself to do it by myself I get this odd anxiety feeling I used to get for pe. (ive never done pe.. I went but ill be damned if i'm going to do a damn thing!) I was the quiet "problem child" in my youth. Even just last year I was in a shelter they were mean though I went on an all out war. I won. :) So it comes in handy when people REALLY ARE EVIL. The problem is the defiance can be a real pain when there is no "real wrong" happening. So its not completely a bad thing I mean I think it makes us the "rebellious forerunner" but seriously some of it is just stupid. Ya know?

yeah, since this is for add-ers... i dont think they are going to actually sit threw you're comment. I didnt.
but that is how add-ers think and type when they are on a roll. and its for odders not adders